I’m only 26 but I’m still a “miserable old coot,” as my mom would say (this term really needs to come back in style). So, I’m just going to do the thing that miserable old coots have been doing since the beginning of time—bitching about really annoying, yet extremely petty shit.
I’m going to start of with Christmas.
Christmas time is one of my favourite times of the year. There’s nothing I like more than getting together with my family, eating mountains of turkey and potatoes, and witnessing Christians knowingly comes up to other Christians and saying, “Happy Holidays” not because they are trying to not offend others but because it’s so ingrained in them to say this utterly moronic yuletide greeting.
The whole thing is weird though. I mean, no one says “Happy Holidays” during the spring, when several holidays of multiple faiths are celebrated locally. I’ve never heard someone say “Happy Holidays” when Good Friday is coming up in order to not offend a Jew celebrating Passover. If it followed “holiday season logic”, this would be exactly what we say. So, I guess one of the things that really bothers me about this phrase is that it’s not even used consistently.
As much as hate the generic, meaningless saying of “Happy Holidays,” the last thing I want to do is make people think that they have to say “Merry Christmas.” You don’t have to say that. But really, wishing someone “Happy Holidays” is like saying “Merry Spring Break”. No one seriously celebrates a period of time off as if it were some sort of holy or meaningful period. Avoiding the name of the holiday is just playing stupid. Kind of like saying “Happy Holy Fasting Period” to a Muslim instead of “Happy Ramadan.” Or, how about “Happy Treats and Costumes Day” instead of “Happy Halloween.”
Overall this is a pretty stupid thing to get terribly upset about but I’m just letting any readers know that these vapid, well-wishing terms are annoying regardless of the good intent of the person who says it. But if you want to say it, you can say “Happy Holidays.”
But I will respond with, “Happy Christ Day!” And I’m not even religious.
In closing, it’s my last required blog post for the year and I really don’t have anything to talk about so cut me some damn slack. In exchange, I promise not to beat anyone who lets the words, “Happy Holidays,” “Seasons Greetings,” or “Happy New Year” slip out of their pumpkin-pie-holes.